Nice Beaver!

A classic if ever there was one!

Beaver: The Other White Meat?

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, maybe it's time to try something new this year by forgetting the traditional turkey and thinking outside (or inside?) the box for a change.



Apparently there are many exciting and tasty ways to trap and prepare your very own holiday semi-aquatic rodent, including Fried Beaver, Deep Fried Beaver, Beaver Stew and Country Style Beaver, as presented by CajunCookingRecipes.com.

[Ed. Note: Urban Style Beaver usually requires a nice dinner, lots of drinks and, in extreme (but legally discouraged) cases, a Roofie, before submitting itself for your dining pleasure. Results may vary.]

Sure, this is great news for turkeys, but nature's littlest architects are no doubt less than thrilled by the prospect of this hillbilly fad ever catching on.

Disclaimer: Vagenda's Beaver Lodge neither endorses nor condemns the act of feasting on beaver, regardless of the form said beaver may take (See previous post.)

Fresh Queefs

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Beavers: Assholes of the Forest

Here's a little bit of hump day etymological history for ya.



Who knew?

Beaver Carpets

The punchline writes itself.

Dam Beavers Game

I posted this cute word game a while back on the blog, but after playing a few rounds this evening, thought it was worth sharing again.

You can download it here.

Enjoy!

Beaver In Da News

Sure, these stories are at best 5 or 6 months late, but for proper beaver blog archival integrity purposes, I feel they should be posted nonetheless. (Sorry for the delay, it's been a crazy summer!)

Can't beat a headline like this: Vaginas Are Having the Worst Week Ever!

The fun starts with Britney and cuntinues nonstop from there.

In a related story, vagina art is apparently sweeping the nation (or at least the internet, anyway). Here's a taste:



It's times like these that I wonder how someone like myself can one be so damn infatuated with something I find so utterly repulsive.

Boon Dickles Beaver House

Yeah, even I'm a bit perplexed by the name of this party. Not that I don't love it, of course! Maybe it will all make sense once I actually drag myself out to Beauty Bar some Thursday night to check it out. Or maybe it has something to do with the always fabulously unusual Amanda Lepore hosting it?

Well, as anyone who currently lives in NYC or has visited recently knows, the nightlife pickins here ain't much to speak of anymore. So God bless Amanda and her posse for continuing to throw/host/attend parties like this to help keep the spirit alive.

Here are the particulars, via Facebook:

Hosts: amanda lepore, cazwell, tommy hotpants, dutch
Type: Party - Bar Night
Network: Global
Price: Free
Start Time: Thursdays @ 10pm
End Time: Fridays @ 4am
Location: Beauty Bar (14th Street btwn 2nd & 3rd Aves in NYC)

Description

How many bong hits did it take to come up with this party’s twisted name? Sexy DJs Tommy Hottpants and Zach, with Cazwell and Amanda Lepore and mile-high drag hostess Duch (the Duchess of Razzle Dazzle) transform the back lounge into a queer-friendly rock & roll dance party that attracts an intriguingly random mix of nightlifers, from freaks to jocks.

Breast wishes for a tremendous, labor-free holiday weekend!

Werq Dis [Beaver]

Sweet Pussy Pauline vs 2 Live Crew, Junior Vasquez style!



WERQ!

Beavers Besiege Beantown

First, in today's "Did you know?" news -- according to this rather hostile article in The New York Times entitled "Return of the Once-Rare Beaver? Not in My Yard," "There were tens and maybe hundreds of millions of beavers in North America before it was settled by Europeans." Who f'in knew?



Something about wetlands, flooding and Armageddon or something. Whatever. The poor beaver, just now finally making a long-awaited comeback here in the U.S. after years of exile, just can't catch a break. I think it's time for everyone to just take a deep breath, relax and show the beaver some love and respect. Damnit.

The Cuchini Pad

I suppose it's understandable that there are certain situations when a slightly more modest woman might want to dress provocatively, yet not necessarily reveal every nuance of her unpredictably errant outer lady parts. So if subtly is your aim (as opposed to the eye-catching vaginal amplification offered by the ever-popular Camel Toe Cup), and errant lips are your objective to tame, then The Cuchini Pad may be right up your alley (no pun) to assist in concealing any unintentional protruding shame.


You can even send one anonymously to an oblivious and/or offending friend, co-worker, family member or even a random acquaintance (intimate or otherwise).

Perhaps an homage to the 80s bad-girl group The Go-Go's and their quintessential rebellious rock anthem, The Cuchini Pad has adopted the slogan "Our Lips Are Sealed" and this androgynous, mildly disturbing yet provocative cartoon camel mascot to help hock its expanding line of traditional unmentionables and more functional subterranean line of exotic undergarments.

Rest assured, your secret "cheat-sheet" purchases will always be held in the strictest of confidence as outlined in Cuchini's solemn pledge posted on its website assuring absolute privacy and utmost discretion on behalf of each and every client.

Year of the Twaco

I know. Stay tuned...

Paris Hilton: Prom Queen

For when you want to let your prom date know you’re a sure thing … why not don this classy and yet affordable vagina gown?


I've heard of wearing your heart on your sleeve, but this is ridiculous!

Travel Pussy

Courtesy of Michael Musto's Village Voice blog, I give you, my gentle jet-setting readers, the cheapest pussy 'round!


As Musto muses:

Yes, that's what it costs to get some pussy in a Munich men's room these days. Alas, you don't get a real one--no, I swear! "Kunstliche" turns out to mean "artificial," even though it actually sounds like...oh, never mind. So run to a German john and get yourself a fake pussy. Then jet off to Cuba and nab yourself a real one for 50 pesos...

Beaver Management

In her NY Times column yesterday, Maureen Dowd channelled that crusty old twat John McCain and his odious, anti-eco attempt (via Twitter, no less!) to derail the beaver bandwagon and its Washington gravy train by berating/belittling this most important stimulus package proposal:

• $650,000 for beaver management in North Carolina and Mississippi.

Today, one of Andrew Sullivan's more informed and compassionate readers chimed in with some common sense in its defense:

I'd like to take a moment to point out that the so-called beaver management is a legitimate piece of infrastructure spending. I spent nearly a year with the Washington Conservation Corps, and this was one of our tasks. We all know that beavers are really good at two things: chewing down trees and building dams. Combined with the fact that many streams are rerouted to accommodate roads and drainage systems, ignoring these furry engineers will lead to logs falling all over the place, blocked drainage and washed out roads. Tearing out these dams and installing counter-measures known as "beaver deceivers" is a time and labor intensive project. I don't have to tell you that repairing flooded roads and homes is even more expensive.

Yes, I can understand that the state of Arizona doesn't have too many beavers swimming around, but it's not that difficult for Senator McCain to ask about.

Bravo!

Beaver Instinct

Surely this would have been better than the actual sequel!

World's Largest Beaver

No, it doesn't belong to Chelsea Handler or Madonna! (Speaking of which, Handler's book My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands is a must-read!)

According to its Facebook fan club page, this "magnificent Beaver Sculpture arrived at it's [sic] new home right along side [sic] Highway 43 in Beaverlodge, Alberta" on July 16th, 2004 to "bolster town spirits and encourage tourists to visit our pretty little town."

On the discussion board, various fans ponder the burning question, "What's your favorite memory of the beaver?" Neil recalls "driving by it for the first time and thinking 'holy shit': that's a big beav. Sweet Jesus, if there is another beaver as big as this, is definitely isn't as beautiful. Seriously.......that's a sweet beav." According to Mike, "Drivin by the big beaver watchin smaller beavers take pictures!!" gave him a woody (no pun).

A field trip to Beaverlodge is SO on the (v)agenda! Stay tuned for details.

Beaver Bambinos

Ahhh! Now tell me this isn't just the most adorable thing in the world!

Relax In The Lip(s) Of Luxury

You deserve it!


I dare you to find a better, more over-the-top conversation piece ... anywhere! Except maybe Craig's List, where this custom-built gem was first discovered. (Matching pink lecturn presumably sold separately.) For the truly daring, accessorize with a "fluffy pussy purse."

Dam Beaver Game

More beaver games. Yay!


Build words to break down the dam. But watch out -- the sneaky little beaver up top has a few tricks of his own up his sleeve.