C U Next Tuesday

Diva vs Cunt.  Sarah Silverman breaks it down, real good! 

Happy International Beaver Day!!!

Happy International Beaver Day!

Introducing the C-String

Just in time for the holidays!  For all the unmarried sluts and even other slightly more modest ladies in your life, check out this fantastic stocking stuffer: 

You can even ride a motorcycle!  As Rhonda Burbage confidently testifies on the newfangled thong's website:

Actually, I wore it out last night and was out on the motorcycle. Very different feeling, but was actually great, it stayed in place and I wasn't fighting straps or worrying about it cutting up into me. In better words, I LOVE IT!! 

 Jenny -- another sexy, satisfied customer -- agrees: 

All in all, the c-string is sexy, not having to worry about the panty lines is great, and it's an interesting sensation having no side coverage.

The C-String:  when even the slightest panty line simply will not do!

Special thanks to Inga Pussé (of the Romanian Pussés, via Racked.com) for bringing this essential undergarment to our gynecocentric attention. And cuntgratulations to us for this being our 100th posting! We'd also like to thank our loyal reader(s) for sticking with us since March 2008!

Related:  Camel Toe Cup; everything else on this site.  

Man Man Beaver

Move over Jerry Mathers!  Introducing the hottest new gay webcast featuring Tom Arnold as the new voice of "The Beaver" in Josh Sugarman & Brandon Yankowitz's Man Man Beaver.
 

In the debut episode of the "weekly adventure of two men and an angry beaver living in holy matrimony," entitled I'm With the Black Guy, watch the Republicans' worst nightmare come to life on the Interwebnetz.
 

America's leading "gay polygamist animal lover" Julian runs against recently failed national candidate and immensely hateful cyborg Mitt Romney for Mayor of Gay Street!  Yes, it's as crazy as it sounds.
 

Cunt wait for Episode 2!  

Just-in Beaver Love Doll

Introducing the hottest new item in barely legal blow-up toys -- the Just-In Beaver Love Doll! 

Get a load (!) of this description from Pipedream Products:

Meet Just-In Beaver, the barely legal boy-toy who's waited 18 long years to stick his lil' dicky in something sticky! When he's not busy beating up paparazzi or beating off, he's up to his high-tops in hot Hollywood tail! But the Beave-ster doesn't have this effect just on women–he turns straight men gay faster than you can peel his skinny jeans off! So what are you waiting for, inflate this lil’ pricks's ego even more and have your very own Beaver bash!

Finally 18, indeed! 

World Wide Webbed Feet

With summer winding down, I figured this would be a good time to catch up here with everyone and discuss what's hot in "Wetlands & Wildlife" couture this coming fall season.

Hint: Fur is in! (Original owners only, please.)

After all, as any hip, sophisticated semi-aquatic rodent will tell you, fashion does not end at the water's edge!  And Vagenda's Beaver Lodge™ is nothing if not on trend. 

The first thing I found after typing "beaver" in the Tumblr search field was a mild sense of relief in the knowledge that I am far from the most fanatical beaver enthusiast out there!  Exhibit A:

  

I'm not even sure that's the oddest memorabilia I stumbled across, either.  It's certainly the most permanent, though.  At any rate, here are a few more highlights for your late summer amusement and general merriment.   

 An antique radiator cap.  Canadian in origin.  

  Beaver cupcakes!  Yum.

  As best I could tell, this Bic lighter is currently a very

in-demand item that is apparently also hard to find.

   Every playground should have one of these!

  And finally, an adorable baby beaver waving goodbye.
 

What better way to end both this post and the summer?   

Vagique: Quench the Stench!

A hot new marketing campaign for the latest in feminine hygiene technology. 

Vintage Beaver: Print Edition

My apologies to my fellow beaver enthusiasts for the extended break in blogging.  But I have recently been inspired by a very generous and creative birthday gift from my dear friend Coco Lipschitz.  I give you Beaver: The "Wildlife" Magazine.

I am now the proud owner of Volume 3, Number 5 (upper left corner) from September 1978.  Unfortunately, an exhaustive Google search has yielded little information on this short-lived smut series.  Once headquartered on New York City's tony Park Avenue between Union Square and Gramercy Park (which I'm guessing wasn't quite as glamorous an area back in the late 70s), there's barely a trace of its existence left in the building that now houses City Crab & Seafood Company, among other unrelated and far less provocative businesses.  

There are a few issues of Beaver available online, like Vol. 2, Number 1.  But as I mentioned, finding them is a challenge.  That silly show from the 60s, Leave It To Beaver, really skews the results.  As does a bunch of Canadian crap (I say that with much love for our friends to the north).  Speaking of which, one of the more interesting articles I stumbled upon featured the following headline in regards to some other publication that has apparently been chronicling Canada's history since the 1920s:

The New York Times even covered the scandal.  

A Plethora of Pussy, Worked and/or Otherwise

Thank God for the "Cloud!"  Where else could you find dozens of fierce remixes for Sweet Pussy Pauline's legendary female empowerment track, "Work This Pussy"?  (Well, there's also the fabulous Spotify, among others, but in this case, SoundCloud really hits pussy pay dirt.)

http://soundcloud.com/search?q[fulltext]=Work+This+Pussy

  Among my many favorites is this fabulously fun new remix:  

 

http://soundcloud.com/b-ames/hello-little-kitty-cat-ha

Of course, the 2 Live Crew "Chant 4 Pussy" mix by Ellis D lives on in pure unadulterated infamy as well.  And, if you can find these rare gems -- "Work This Pussy" mashed up with Danny Tenaglia's "Elements" or "French Kiss" by Lil Louis, and the ultimate bitch track of them all, "Relentlessly Cunty" -- lap 'em up, honey.  Werq (dis Pussy), indeed!

B.C. Beaver Love

In honor of the birthplace of my beaver infatuation, my good friend Ian created this demo poster showcasing my fabulous new slogan for the fabulous ski resort of Whistler Blackcomb in British Columbia, Canada:

T-shirts and assorted other memorabilia will surely sell like hotcakes, dontcha think? 

Revenge is a Dish Best Served with Beaver

It may be a shameless clone of uber-popular iPhone app Angry Birds, but Beaver's Revenge is still a fun and essential download for all beaver game enthusiasts.  And boy, are these beavers pissed! 

 

"The lumberjacks have invaded the beaver's home again. Now it is time to strike back and get ... Revenge!!! The beavers and their forest friends are out to teach the lumberjacks a lesson. You can fling a fish, launch a skunk, toss a rabbit and more!!"

Fun for the whole semi-aquatic rodent family, and others.

Vintage Beaver: Anastasia Beaverhausen

It's been more than 5 years since the groundbreaking NBC sitcom Will & Grace ended its run after an impressive 8 seasons.  While the show's main characters certainly held their own, it's co-stars Sean Hayes and Megan Mullally who always stole the show by portraying characters whose callous, shallow and completely self-absorbed antics would be appalling if they weren't as brilliantly crafted and portrayed so hysterically.

I give you, gentle readers, this montage video showcasing the many times Karen Walker invoked her favorite alter-ego, Anastasia Beaverhausen.

"Anastasia, as in Russian royalty;
Beaverhausen, as in...where the beaver lives."

Although slightly less beaver related, here's a bonus video compiling Karen's many hilarious encounters with her pint-sized nemesis, the brilliantly named (and cast) Beverly Leslie (played by Leslie Jordan).

"Karen Walker ... I thought I smelled gin and regret."

Episodes of Will & Grace are still showing on Lifetime (television for women and gay men), with reruns airing frequently throughout the week.  Sadly, there's still no word of an Anastasia Beaverhausen spin-off, miniseries, or high-end vodka brand.  Stay tuned.

Word of the Day: Twerk

Everyone likes big butts,* and now we may finally know why, thanks to the latest dance craze to hit America in which amply endowed women "twerk it" in what can best be described by a few core lyrics: 

I shake this ass side to side I shake it everywhere/
Make it vibrate got this ass going everywhere.

Clearly inspired by Sir Mix-A-Lot's bottom enthusiast anthem in the 90s, "Baby Got Back", this rump-shaking, booty-busting shimmy is an update on the theme, and is masterfully illustrated by recording artist Lady in this salacious video for her aptly titled single, "Twerk" (available on iTunes via link):

Another sampling of Lady's more florid lyrics:

And when I'm in a split I can make this ass jump/
I make this ass jump every time the beat bump/
Now for the grand finale I saved the best for last/
You know it's head down pussy popping hand stand

While I wish the gaga-free Lady nothing but success with her budding career, and thank her deeply for courageously sharing her God-given assets and the many talents they have fostered with the world, I'd like to leave you with some of the many memorable lyrics from "Baby Got Back."  Feel free to share your own in the comments section.

•  She's sweat, wet, got it going like a turbo 'Vette
•  My anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, hon
•  She gotta pack much back/shake that healthy butt
•  Cosmo ain't got nothin' to do with my selection/
   36/24/36? Ha ha. Only if you's 5'3!

___________________
* Based solely on anecdotal evidence provided mainly by rap artists and the women they date and/or those who star in their rap videos. More conclusive scientific studies proving the widespread popularity of big butts is hopefully forthcoming.

Beaver Pirate Sentenced to "Copyright School"

Sorry I've been away from the blog for so long!  I know you're just itching for your beaver fix, so let's jump right in. 

Back in April, my favorite website Gawker alerted us to Google's fun new campaign to help curb copyright infringement on it's YouTube site by sentencing violators to "copyright school":

Copyright school consists of watching an animated PSA (above) explaining YouTube's copyright policies, then passing a quiz to prove you were paying attention. If you don't pass, you can't upload anymore videos. Ostensibly this is to educate violators to keep them from screwing up again, but in reality it's all about humiliating adults by making them watch cartoon rabbits explain piracy. Unfortunately, there's no little certificate you can send away for and hang on the wall of your office.

Russell, the oblivious lime-green beaver pirate (look, he even has a hook for a right hand!) featured in the video, learns a very important lesson when, after posting a video online of his special needs moose friend's new movie, "Lumpy & The Lumpettes," his YouTube account is suspended, and he is threatened with the possibility of being banned for life if he commits any more violations.  Oh no!  

Viewers are then given a 2-minute crash course on how to avoid such a tragedy.  Finally, perhaps as a menacing metaphor to illustrate just how bad life would be without YouTube -- or maybe just one mind-fuck of a plot twist not seen since The Sixth Sense -- we watch in horror as recent copyright school graduate Russell is viciously attacked by the trio of piranha he was inexplicably juggling from inside a cannon just seconds before the cannon misfired, sending him blasting through the hull of his pirate ship and into the water below where the offending fish savagely ripped the flesh from the poor little beaver's bones and ate him for dinner.  

Wow!  I have to say, I didn't see that one coming.  Maybe M. Night Shyamalan really was involved in this after all (see also, the 10,509 "dislikes" registered thus far).  Also involved, maybe LSD.  

So to clarify:  Don't violate copyrights by posting unauthorized videos on YouTube, or you might risk not being able to ever violate said copyrights on YouTube in the future.  That, or you might die at the fins of some ill-tempered man-eating fish that you once molested, while tripping on acid.  Either way, just play it safe and follow the law, dam-it.  And be kind to beavers. 

Santa Ate My Pussy -- Vagina Awareness PSA!

 

Don't worry if you can't quite understand her either, the "lyrics" are helpfully included in the comments of the YouTube posting! 

This is a vagina (pussy) awareness public service announcement; this is one of the songs that I have written. I hope that you enjoy listening to it.

Merry, merry Christmas,
Merry wet vagina
Merry, merry Christmas,
Merry pussy time
Merry, merry Christmas,
Merry wet vagina
Merry, merry Christmas,
Merry pussy time
Smell of penis in the air,
smell of pussy every where
Smell of sex in the air,
We are gonna doggie and missionary

Santa give me your penis,
I'm gonna give you my pussy
Smell of sex in the air,
We gonna doggie and missionary

Santa come down the chimney,
Your mistletoe
Eat my Vagina,
Lick my vagina
Sniff my vagina,
Your Christmas lunch
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Santa come down the chimney,
Your mistletoe
Eat my Vagina,
Lick my vagina
Sniff my vagina,
your Christmas lunch
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Shakey, shakey, shakey, shakey, shakey, shakey, shake your bum bum,
Shakey, shakey, shakey, shakey, shakey, shakey, shake your bum bum

Okay! Santa, come over here,
Fuck my pussy
Fuck my pussy,
Fuck my pussy
Fuck it hard,
Fuck it hard
Fuck it hard,
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck
Santa, fuck my pussy deeper, deeper, deeper, faster, harder

I love your penis; it's big, it's long, it's hard,
Thank you, Santa
Ah, ah, all right

Santa come down the chimney,
Your mistletoe
Eat my Vagina,
Lick my vagina
Sniff my vagina,
your Christmas lunch
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Santa come down the chimney,
Your mistletoe
Eat my Vagina,
Lick my vagina
Sniff my vagina,
your Christmas lunch
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Majela... queen of sex, queen of commando, queen of pussy
Go girl, ah, ah, ah
Santa, penetrate deep, fuck me harder, fuck my pussy,
Santa, merry Christmas
Fuck me harder, harder, harder, harder, harder!
Eh! yeah

Oh, merry, merry Christmas,
Merry wet vagina
Merry, merry Christmas,
Merry pussy time
Smell of penis in the air,
Smell of pussy everywhere
Smell of sex in the air,
We gonna doggie and missionary

Santa come down the chimney,
Your mistletoe
Eat my Vagina,
Lick my vagina
Sniff my vagina,
your Christmas lunch
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Santa come down the chimney,
Your mistletoe
Eat my Vagina,
Lick my vagina
Sniff my vagina,
your Christmas lunch
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Santa, pussy eater!