Friday, November 28, 2008

Beaver Pushes Kotex Down Under

Yup, someone finally went there!


Television audiences in Sydney have been amused/horrified/indifferent while watching scenes of a carefree woman palling around town with a furry animated beaver while running errands, including stops at the beauty parlor, beach, and ...


... no doubt, her neighborhood chemist to take care of business, you know, down there.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Beavers Back In Britain

"For the first time in 400 years, the beaver has returned to Great Britain," CNN reports.


"Four wild beaver families arrived at London's Heathrow airport Thursday night, the first step in an effort to reintroduce the mammals..." (See full article linked above.)


A wealth of information on beavers and the benevolent organization spearheading this ambitious project can be found here. Please consider making a donation to help support this most noble undertaking.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Beaver Blasphemy

When Perez Hilton broke the news on his website last week that none other than Steve Carell may star in a movie called "The Beaver," currently in development and allegedly slated for release in 2011, you can imagine my excitement!


Then I read the Hollywood Reporter source article linked in the post, including this suspiciously familiar description of the impending project:
Anonymous Content recently picked up "The Beaver," a script from first-time writer Kyle Killen about a man who walks around with a beaver puppet on his hand, treating it as something close to a human creature with human feelings.
Um, surely this sounds more than a tiny bit familiar to any longtime (or even new) readers of this blog, right? My travel beaver (which, incidentally, mysteriously went missing down in New Orleans just a few days prior to this announcement) is, in fact, a finger puppet which I've been toting around -- to the amusement of some, the embarrassment of others -- to various locales around the country (and abroad) for several years now.

Here's a pic of the furry little fella in happier times:


After careful consideration, though, I've decided to refrain from making any accusations of plagiarism, infringement or other creative/intellectual impropriety. Instead, I'd like to lobby the producers and development team to utilize -- and perhaps even incorporate -- the vast content found here at Vagenda's Beaver Lodge to help make this film the Oscar-worthy blockbuster and inevitable worldwide phenomenon its subject semi-aquatic rodent star so richly deserves. (My influence may be vast, but thus far not entirely fruitful, ya know?)

Accordingly, please consider Asphyxia 8 and the entire beaver blog posse at your disposal.

UPDATE: New York mag has apparently seen a copy of the spec script, which it heralds, in part, as
"one of the more elegantly fucked-up stories we've read in a long, long time." Further describing the screenplay as "dark and witty," the article reveals that at one point the lead character, Walter, claims he is under the care of a "prescription puppet," and "begins interacting with everyone exclusively through The Beaver, who is as chipper, positive, and loving as Walter has been depressed, miserable, and remote." Loves it!

UPDATE II: The Blacklist declares The Beaver 2008's Hottest Unproduced Screenplay. More on the surprising development here. Happy and all, but still scratching my head. I mean, WTF? Meanwhile, still no word from Anonymous Content.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Beaverabilia


A friend who recently relocated to Vancouver, British Columbia relayed a story to me today about the very first steamship to plow the Pacific Ocean, the SS Beaver. Unfortunately, the ship ran aground and sunk in the late 1800s.

Since this occurred so close to shore, though, much was salvaged from the ship, the remnants of which are affectionately referred to as "Beaverabilia."

Then, in 1966, the Royal Canadian Navy requisitioned Hull #216, and designed and built a replica of the SS BEAVER which is now rented out for murder mystery parties, corporate events and even gay weddings!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Sarah Palin's Beaver Roundup


Wow! This "deer in the headlights" sportscast is almost as painful to watch as those Katie Couric interview masterpieces. Luckily, you can catch Sarah's "Beaver Roundup" at 0:36 in this 1988 clip from Anchorage's KTUU-TV. Suffer through the entire 4 minutes, if you dare!

Bonus Link: Sarah Palin's Beaver Exposed!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Buck's Beaver

If you're not yet familiar with Buck Angel -- the self-described "man with a pussy" and the world's first and only FTM transexual porn star -- fasten your strap-ons. It's going to be a bumpy read!

(Needless to say -- but just in case Sarah Palin or any of her brood or simple-minded supporters are reading this, I'll make it crystal caribou clear -- most links contained herein are absolutely, positively NSFW.)



Buck's first film, the 2006 AVN award-nominated Buck's Beaver.

As one of the world's most fascinating and/or freaky persons, depending on your perspective, Buck's story is like no other. As the "undisputed king of transgender porn," according to a June 17, 2008 Village Voice article by Michael Lavers, "Buck Angel thrives on his ability to deconstruct notions of masculinity."


Photo credit: David Hawe, Village Voice


Also referenced in the Voice article was Buck's headlining the Saint at Large's 2006 Black Party at Roseland with shocking performances that took one of NYC's most notorious bacchanals to a previously inconceivable new level of debauchery. No small feat, as anyone who's been to the annual event will surely attest. Buck also starred in Schwarzwald: The Movie You Can Dance To, inspired by the party and produced by the Saint at Large. Other film credits include V for Vagina and Buckback Mountain.

Quotable Quote: "It feels good to get fucked. I don't think getting my cunt fucked makes me any less of a man."
("Buck Naked," Village Voice, 4/22/03)

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Ladies' Roller Derby


It has just come to my attention that a local roller derby team, Jersey Shore Roller Girls, lists among its members a team captain who goes by the name of "Angry Beaver". The last (obvious) frontier?


There's also another team out of Redding, CA that affectionately calls itself "Angry Beavers". And yes, there's even one gal skating with the Houston Roller Derby who goes by the daring name of "Angry Camel Toe". My personal favorite, however, is the "Special Vixens Unit (click for video)."

Who f 'n knew?
Me thinks I see a live roller derby excursion sometime in the near future.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Spare Some Change?

Ain't no one gonna mess with you at the local laundromat (or anywhere, for that matter) when you whip out this classic, limited edition change puss purse and drop the coins on the counter!







As versatile as it is offensive! I challenge anyone to dare not bask in the synthetic glory of such a marvelous, utilitarian and anatomically innovative plastic monetary masterpiece.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

My Puss


MORE PUSS, LESS BEAVER

Margaret Cho gives good Lip Service as she raps in her latest video: My Puss, Filet Mignon. Your Puss, a Double Coupon!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Beavers Score w/ Obama Connection


Live from the headlines of the Democratic National Convention last night in Denver! Full story here.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Muppet Beaver

This little fellow may not have gotten much airtime on the original series, but the semi-aquatic rodent community was at least well represented.

And he's even got his own Wiki page!

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Barry the Beaver Vibrating Vinyl Friend

Just when you thought you've seen everything.

Barry's a discreet 5.25 inches tall, according to the website, and "starts buzzing with a turn of the tree stump base. It also features a handy bendy tail." Holy Dental Dams, Batman! Now, one has to wonder -- will Barry be destined to eternal hibernation at the bottom of some cardboard novelty gift grave, or will his battery-powered buckteeth actually get to munch away at another sort of box instead? Inquring/twisted minds need to know!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Liquid Virgin


Touched for the very first time. Or so he'll think, anyway! It'll just be our tight, little secret, mmmkay?