A Plethora of Pussy, Worked and/or Otherwise

Thank God for the "Cloud!"  Where else could you find dozens of fierce remixes for Sweet Pussy Pauline's legendary female empowerment track, "Work This Pussy"?  (Well, there's also the fabulous Spotify, among others, but in this case, SoundCloud really hits pussy pay dirt.)

http://soundcloud.com/search?q[fulltext]=Work+This+Pussy

  Among my many favorites is this fabulously fun new remix:  

 

http://soundcloud.com/b-ames/hello-little-kitty-cat-ha

Of course, the 2 Live Crew "Chant 4 Pussy" mix by Ellis D lives on in pure unadulterated infamy as well.  And, if you can find these rare gems -- "Work This Pussy" mashed up with Danny Tenaglia's "Elements" or "French Kiss" by Lil Louis, and the ultimate bitch track of them all, "Relentlessly Cunty" -- lap 'em up, honey.  Werq (dis Pussy), indeed!

B.C. Beaver Love

In honor of the birthplace of my beaver infatuation, my good friend Ian created this demo poster showcasing my fabulous new slogan for the fabulous ski resort of Whistler Blackcomb in British Columbia, Canada:

T-shirts and assorted other memorabilia will surely sell like hotcakes, dontcha think? 

Revenge is a Dish Best Served with Beaver

It may be a shameless clone of uber-popular iPhone app Angry Birds, but Beaver's Revenge is still a fun and essential download for all beaver game enthusiasts.  And boy, are these beavers pissed! 

 

"The lumberjacks have invaded the beaver's home again. Now it is time to strike back and get ... Revenge!!! The beavers and their forest friends are out to teach the lumberjacks a lesson. You can fling a fish, launch a skunk, toss a rabbit and more!!"

Fun for the whole semi-aquatic rodent family, and others.

Word of the Day: Twerk

Everyone likes big butts,* and now we may finally know why, thanks to the latest dance craze to hit America in which amply endowed women "twerk it" in what can best be described by a few core lyrics: 

I shake this ass side to side I shake it everywhere/Make it vibrate got this ass going everywhere.

Clearly inspired by Sir Mix-A-Lot's bottom enthusiast anthem in the 90s, "Baby Got Back", this rump-shaking, booty-busting shimmy is an update on the theme, and is masterfully illustrated by recording artist Lady in this salacious video for her aptly titled single, "Twerk" (available on iTunes via link):

Another sampling of Lady's more florid lyrics:

And when I'm in a split I can make this ass jump/
I make this ass jump every time the beat bump/
Now for the grand finale I saved the best for last/
You know it's head down pussy popping hand stand

While I wish the gaga-free Lady nothing but success with her budding career, and  thank her deeply for courageously sharing her God-given assets and the many talents they have fostered with the world, I'd like to leave you with some of the many memorable lyrics from "Baby Got Back."  Feel free to share your own in the comments section.

•  She's sweat, wet, got it going like a turbo 'Vette
•  My anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, hon
•  She gotta pack much back/shake that healthy butt
•  Cosmo ain't got nothin' to do with my selection/
   36/24/36? Ha ha. Only if you's 5'3!

___________________
* Based solely on anecdotal evidence provided mainly by rap artists and the women they date and/or those who star in their rap videos. More conclusive scientific studies proving the widespread popularity of big butts is surely forthcoming.

Beaver Pirate Sentenced to "Copyright School"

Sorry I've been away from the blog for so long!  I know you're just itching for your beaver fix, so let's jump right in. 

Back in April, my favorite website Gawker alerted us to Google's fun new campaign to help curb copyright infringement on it's YouTube site by sentencing violators to "copyright school":

Copyright school consists of watching an animated PSA (above) explaining YouTube's copyright policies, then passing a quiz to prove you were paying attention. If you don't pass, you can't upload anymore videos. Ostensibly this is to educate violators to keep them from screwing up again, but in reality it's all about humiliating adults by making them watch cartoon rabbits explain piracy. Unfortunately, there's no little certificate you can send away for and hang on the wall of your office.

Russell, the oblivious lime-green beaver pirate (look, he even has a hook for a right hand!) featured in the video, learns a very important lesson when, after posting a video online of his special needs moose friend's new movie, "Lumpy & The Lumpettes," his YouTube account is suspended, and he is threatened with the possibility of being banned for life if he commits any more violations.  Oh no!  

Viewers are then given a 2-minute crash course on how to avoid such a tragedy.  Finally, perhaps as a menacing metaphor to illustrate just how bad life would be without YouTube -- or maybe just one mind-fuck of a plot twist not seen since The Sixth Sense -- we watch in horror as recent copyright school graduate Russell is viciously attacked by the trio of piranha he was inexplicably juggling from inside a cannon just seconds before the cannon misfired, sending him blasting through the hull of his pirate ship and into the water below where the offending fish savagely ripped the flesh from the poor little beaver's bones and ate him for dinner.  

Wow!  I have to say, I didn't see that one coming.  Maybe M. Night Shyamalan really was involved in this after all (see also, the 10,509 "dislikes" registered thus far).  Also involved, maybe LSD.  

So to clarify:  Don't violate copyrights by posting unauthorized videos on YouTube, or you might risk not being able to ever violate said copyrights on YouTube in the future.  That, or you might die at the fins of some ill-tempered man-eating fish that you once molested, while tripping on acid.  Either way, just play it safe and follow the law, dam-it.  And be kind to beavers. 

Santa Ate My Pussy -- Vagina Awareness PSA!

 

Don't worry if you can't quite understand her either, the "lyrics" are helpfully included in the comments of the YouTube posting! 

This is a vagina (pussy) awareness public service announcement; this is one of the songs that I have written. I hope that you enjoy listening to it.

Merry, merry Christmas,
Merry wet vagina
Merry, merry Christmas,
Merry pussy time
Merry, merry Christmas,
Merry wet vagina
Merry, merry Christmas,
Merry pussy time
Smell of penis in the air,
smell of pussy every where
Smell of sex in the air,
We are gonna doggie and missionary

Santa give me your penis,
I'm gonna give you my pussy
Smell of sex in the air,
We gonna doggie and missionary

Santa come down the chimney,
Your mistletoe
Eat my Vagina,
Lick my vagina
Sniff my vagina,
Your Christmas lunch
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Santa come down the chimney,
Your mistletoe
Eat my Vagina,
Lick my vagina
Sniff my vagina,
your Christmas lunch
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Shakey, shakey, shakey, shakey, shakey, shakey, shake your bum bum,
Shakey, shakey, shakey, shakey, shakey, shakey, shake your bum bum

Okay! Santa, come over here,
Fuck my pussy
Fuck my pussy,
Fuck my pussy
Fuck it hard,
Fuck it hard
Fuck it hard,
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck
Santa, fuck my pussy deeper, deeper, deeper, faster, harder

I love your penis; it's big, it's long, it's hard,
Thank you, Santa
Ah, ah, all right

Santa come down the chimney,
Your mistletoe
Eat my Vagina,
Lick my vagina
Sniff my vagina,
your Christmas lunch
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Santa come down the chimney,
Your mistletoe
Eat my Vagina,
Lick my vagina
Sniff my vagina,
your Christmas lunch
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Majela... queen of sex, queen of commando, queen of pussy
Go girl, ah, ah, ah
Santa, penetrate deep, fuck me harder, fuck my pussy,
Santa, merry Christmas
Fuck me harder, harder, harder, harder, harder!
Eh! yeah

Oh, merry, merry Christmas,
Merry wet vagina
Merry, merry Christmas,
Merry pussy time
Smell of penis in the air,
Smell of pussy everywhere
Smell of sex in the air,
We gonna doggie and missionary

Santa come down the chimney,
Your mistletoe
Eat my Vagina,
Lick my vagina
Sniff my vagina,
your Christmas lunch
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Santa come down the chimney,
Your mistletoe
Eat my Vagina,
Lick my vagina
Sniff my vagina,
your Christmas lunch
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Santa, pussy eater!

Underground Beavers

The Astor Place subway station beaver mural in New York City:



According to Wikipedia, "the Astor Place station is decorated with large ceramic beaver emblems, representing the beaver pelts that helped make John Jacob Astor wealthy."

Elsewhere in Manhattan, at the Christopher Street Sheridan Square station, everyone's favorite semi-aquatic rodent is featured a little less prominently in another mural: 

As the official State Animal of New York, these are appropriate but far too rare tributes to nature's greatest engineers.

The Smoking Beaver

 'Nuff said.

Special thanks to the incomparable DJ Billy Carroll, a tireless beaver blog supporter and cherished friend, for passing along this gem.  

Smoked beaver, the other white meat.  

Camel Toe Implants

Small start-up cashes in on
Camel Toe fad

http://www.deadseriousnews.com/?p=88

Money Quotes:

Labia implants are the new breast implants.  Collagen injections simply don’t work on the other set of lips.”, Larry Depp states gleefully.  

“You are never too old or too young to have a Camel Toe that will be the envy of every other woman on the beach.”, Depp added.

What WILL they think of next?!?!

Justin Beaver

Residents of the Bronx have apparently named their river's newly discovered second resident beaver after Justin Bieber, according to the New York Post (via Gawker).
 

"A beaver found living in the Bronx River has, after a contest, been named Justin Beaver, an homage to Canadian pop sensation Justin Bieber," according to Gawker.  "And thus marks the last time Bieber will ever be associated with anything beaver-related." 

Related post:  Jose, the Bronx River Beaver.  

Beaver Break

Beaver Blog is on hiatus for the summer.

Please stay tuned...

World's Largest Beaver Dam Discovered!

No, not Pamela Anderson!  Altheaux the record-breaking dam is cuntveniently located in her home cuntry of Canada.

Slightly shy of Ms. Anderson's rumoured last reported measurements, the dam is apparently a half-mile long, visible from space, took two decades to build and can be found in Canada's most populous and fastest growing "prairie province," Alberta. 

Check it out via Google Maps.  "Dancing With The Stars" indeed!

Vintage Beaver: The Camel Toe Song

I give you, gentle readers, the cuntroversial yet ubiquitous radio classic,  The Camel Toe Song.

Cheesy, tacky, tasteless, etc.  All the makings of a great, if dated, classic parody.  The Beach Boys are surely, albeit most likely secretly, proud of this incredibly popular send up of their hit song "Kokomo"!  Full lyrics here, just in case you wanna sing along or practice for next week's retro karaoke extravaganza. 

iPussy

For your listening / viewing (?) pleasure.

Vintage Beaver: SNL's Woomba

A classic SNL skit that clearly should have been among this blog's initial postings.

My sincerest apologies for the oversight and any further delay the annoying commercial preceding the clip may cause.  Enjoy!